Saturday, July 29, 2006

Summer blues; summer heat & me, me me!

Everyone seems to have the summer blogging blahs. Maybe it is the mind-numbing heat wave, maybe it is everyone but me having lovely vacations, or maybe it is because I stay up till 2:00 am staring down people walking by as I shriek and claw at the bars on my windows; the way they breath makes me so ANGRY!

So, a little light distraction is in order. First, in tribute to Dampire let me recommend the quiz: Which Beautiful Vampiress are You?

Of course, nothing is more enjoyably narcissistic than recommending you read my old blogs. Alas, like so much in life, why certain blog entries get read so often have less to do with how good they are – but because men are horny, horny creatures.

1) To Canada Customs x-men means x-rated. (read 1500-2000 times)

Canadian Customs thinks comics, and manga in particular are x-rated. I just sold some gay manga to a Canadian, he told me he would pay the extra not to have them sent through the US as they could be seized. Yeah. Now, every time I go through customs, they type my name and exactly what I bring in. I went with Linda last week. She gets a pass, I get typed in. Thanks to Gayprof mentioning my experience to his friend, this story got linked around the world; including a lesbian sex site.

What I hope you read: Naked lesbian epee & Sabre fencers? Yes!

I think the title says it all – I mean, a commercial showing naked lesbians with swords fighting – does life get better than that? It’s like watching one of my life dreams come true. Also Catholic School, Zoloft & lesbian pirates - that pretty much sums up my life, right there: getting frustrated at a religious school, mind altering medications and lesbian pirates. Lesbian Pirates: the sun still shines a little brighter every day I say that phrase. Oh, the reference to myself as the “bitch-hermit” refers to this short film (Which is sadly completely accurate, especially now as have the same hair colour as her)

2) Ebay: Child Pornography made Easy (read 800-1000 times).

This is hit again and again, at least 40 times every weekend for people looking for “nude boys”, “pojkart”, “Baikal”, “Moviebizz” and “BoyloverNet” – The article is even a dedicated link on several sites/forums for guys who love looking at naked boys. I originally wrote it to shame Ebay into enforcing their policies on child sexual exploitation, and instead it’s now that internet “how to” guide on getting soft child porn off ebay. Sigh.

What I hope you read: Incest child abuse and a need for heroes

The problem hasn’t gone away. We feel helpless; it sucks. But better to talk about it than just shove it back in the closet and pretend it doesn’t happen.

3) Female masturbation, x-box 360 and lipstick. (read 300+ times)

Not only do I get the weekly hits for “female masturbation” but this is the number one post for people who just wander onto the site. For those who want to find out more of my masturbation habits, I recommend this short education video Elf Dreams about how to turn J. R. Tolkien into an erotic experience (only for me Legolas is really a girl disguised as a boy).

What I want you to read: Death notes and Beth’s big trip to the ER

Taking something that it pretty horrid and scary and turning it into something sweet and funny is actually hard work, so not only was this a memorable day but one of my better writing attempts.

4) Beth’s naked day; join me, clothing optional (read 200-300 times)

Search terms: “naked women”, “female naked”, “naked peeper” – that’s kinda self explanatory isn’t it? On a side note, I flashed my breasts at the peeper a block away; I think it was triggered when Linda said, “Good girls don’t” which got me ripping open the blinds and shouting, “I’m not a good girl!”

What I want you to read: Epee: The fighter stands alone

Epee as symbol of life. Put in your own struggle, your own obstacles. “Don’t try: Do!” I’ve had coaches and rock climbing instructors yell at me every time I say, “I’ll try.” But when the others have come and gone, I’m still trying. I’d take someone who keeps trying any day. (If you want the lighter friendship aspect of epee try: Magic Epee breeches, kiss & boo boos)

5) Equal Humanity for gays/lesbians? Part II (read 200-400 times)

This was picked up by quite a few different groups, and not only was it one of my better researched pieces but actually got me a job. But now, like all things religious/political we’ve moved on. So yeah, read this.

Hope that distracted you from the kids screaming, the partner screaming, your mind screaming for at least a few minutes. If not, try a little trick I do on a hot day: Walk downtown with a large bucket of water, at a convinant spot, throw the water on yourself and start rolling on the ground screeching and moaning, “Is it out? Is it out?” Not only are you cooler now, but I bet no one is even coming close to bumping into you on the sidewalk either, eh? Eh?


The Watcher said...

Eizabeth, thank you so much for the tribute quiz...I'll enjoy reading your wonderful posts while you scream and rest. I took your quiz and, of course, I am --

The Temptress

'You are the one who comes into people's dreams at night to drive them mad with desire. You are sultry, sexy, and passionate. Others find you hypnotic. You have the sort of smoldering eyes and bedroom glances that are the stuff of legend.

What's so scary about you: Like sweet poison, you are addictive and deadly.'

Your gemstone: Garnet
Your moon: Rose Moon (July)

elizabeth said...

Nice selection.... I've been here so long I remember all of them and look forward to reading them again.

RE quiz...
The Queen of the Night

You are the powerful dark goddess who rules the night. You are a true diva. You are charismatic and have a very commanding aura about you. Dynamic, fiery, and tempestuous, you thirst for power and aim to attain it by any means neccessary.

What's so scary about you: Your temper is legendary. When you see red everyone had better start praying.

Your gemstone: Amber
Your Moon: Lightning Moon (August)

6% of people had this result.