Monday, June 12, 2006

Lesbian boobies, hello kitty vibrators & me

I now face the question so many have faced in the past: what to do at work when horny? The last couple days have been an emotional roller coaster which started with a long blue funk depression on Saturday. Linda cajoled me out of the house with promise of beer and we went to Christies Pub where my favorite server, Elf girl, brought me beer and chicken wings. Last time, after complementing her visible tattoos, Elf girl told me she has her entire body covered with tattoo swirls and curves representing elf runes. Mmmmmmm (I like girls with tattoos, live with it, I do).

Within a pint of ale I was snuggled up to Linda and asking the servers if the big screen TV’s were showing the ice-capades. No, they told me, they were showing something called, The Stanley Cup. There were men and sticks and a zombie that looked a lot like Don Cherry. Meanwhile, this old guy at the next table over was staring really really hard at us trying to make our heads explode. This guy was really mad...at us. So, of course, I snuggled even closer and kissed even more, plus, due to being tipsy with the beer, I was flirting outrageously with Elf girl. I was having a good time, at least until the beer wore off.

Sunday, I was so undepressed that I willingly went on a 3.5 hour hike up a bunch of mountain peaks with Linda and her co-worker. I think there might have panoramas and vistas, but since I was trying to pretend that I was totally into this and in shape and thus most of the time starved for oxygen I don’t remember too well. I did find out that I can go 3.5 hours of hiking without whining or stopping for chocolate breaks every 15 minutes if we take someone who doesn’t know me. My vanity kicked into overdrive in attempts not to look like the pasty urban creampuff that I am.

So today, due to my exertions over the weekend I am tingly and alive. Alive, like blood pounding into every part of my body leaving me aching and restless alive. Mentally, I am very distracted; and I keep saying “boobies” to myself for no reason. Do you recognize this condition? Trolling through my bookmarked favorites I find a rather embarrassing number of pages on masturbation, which I now claim was for a follow up blog on my post on female masturbation (which never happened; I think I got distracted then too). I also seem to have bookmarked every vibrator from Hello Kitty to Ipod Surprise.

On vibrators, tingly & restless, I have to say nothing is sadder than turning on your vibrator and finding out, as it struggles to rotate or even twitch, that your batteries have run down and you don’t have any more batteries in the house. This is my morning.

Doing a bit of searching I have found pics of some very nice goth and tattoo girls, and some very odd things as well. Suicide Girls seems to have spawned unlimited knock-offs including one (Which I won’t be linking too) which has pictures and models of “kinky goth girls and hot satanists” To the creators of that site, I just want to point out that wearing devil’s horns while naked does not make a girl a Satanist – actually, if it is Halloween and I have had a bit to drink, it’s just probably me.

Due to my lack of batteries and iron resolve, I am going to put my clothes back on. I will go for a walk on the park, I will stop putting “Lesbian boobies” into google search engine and I will stop making semi-obscene phone calls to Linda. I am warm, I am tingly and I am out of chocolate. It’s going to be a long day.

Jpeg 4 - http://www.tao-of-tattoos.com/images/fetish_model_1.jpg

13 comments:

The Watcher said...

In yer best interest, I would suggest that ye not visit th'Pirate Chest today... Aye, that would be a bad idea t'visit me chest. Yar, t'would not help yer present state.

GayProf said...

It’s hard to think of Hello Kitty! as sexy. What ever gets you going, though. I don’t judge – out loud.

elizabeth said...

Have I ever mentioned my tattoo? Yep - on my belly. Right below my belly button. Just peeks out over my bikini bottoms. Kind of celtic. All black. Now ya know.

NOTHING said...

ur book finaly came in today

NOTHING said...

my dad would freek if i got a tattoo, if i wanted to get 1 i would have to wait till i move out

The Watcher said...

BTW, nice pic of th'heart an'wings there...yeah, th'heart an'wings...those...nice gropin',ummm, groupin'.

Karen said...

I'm covered in tats as well.....maybe I should post some pics. ;)

Anonymous said...

Beth:

As I was reading this, my first thought was......" Does she have any thoughts which are private and personal?". My second thought was (as an icy chill passed through my body)..." Oh my God.....What might THEY be!

Jim

funchilde said...

pasty, urban cream puff huh? saxxy!
kidding. hope you are out of the blue funk and "handling your business" and Hello Kitty? That seems somehow wrong. very.very.wrong.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Ahh Jim, you know I can't keep any secrets from you - you might be happy to know I DID walk through the park and saw birds and flowers and humming birds and no girls with tattoos.

for Elizabeth and Karen - PICTURES!!! we want pictures!!!!

Nothing - I don't have a tattoo - but I do have a lot of temporary tattoos (it's like hair dye - you can just keep changing your mind again and again).

Elizabeth McClung said...

as to Hello Kitty - I just have to say, I bookedmarked it - I didn't buy it - I am still faithful to my rubber ducky - mmmmmm rubber ducky!

Sober @ Sundown said...

I couldn't resist, I put "Lesbian boobies" into a Google search........ The results were not quite what I was looking for. I guess I go for the real thing.

Stroke King said...

awesome reviews.ive been reading many reviews about adult toys., and i never imagine there is a thing.. i mean a toy for kid and now an adult toy., hehe make sure that to those who are planning to have this product.. keep out of reach of children :)