For hundreds of years, men have searched for an elixir or secret cure to make them young. Women, over the years, have searched for just the right material and cut of clothing to make them LOOK young. In Seattle, we found it.
The question is: If you were serving alcohol, would you card this woman? Linda bought this brown pullover and less than an hour after putting it on, was carded for buying alcohol. Later, several people confirmed that yes, they would have carded her too.
My experience that day was different. Two blocks after leaving the hostel, a guy started yelling that he would “do me” and that though I was tall, he was up to the challenge. I am thinking about putting out a world map showing the cities around the world where men have told me in various languages that they would be gracious enough to “stick me”, “pork me” or otherwise enjoy me carnally. Linda thinks I send out an aura of unattainability which makes me the sexual equivalent of Everest.
Soon after, while shopping at Old Navy, the change-room clerk wanted to know how tall I was. I told her I was 6’3”.
Clerk: “Oh, I saw another woman in here as tall as you.”
Clerk: “Yeah, but she was like a model. Tall and just like a model. Even her clothes; your clothes are nice but she dressed like a model.”
Clerk: “And thin too, you know, tall like you, but thin, just like a model.”
Me: “I’m going back in the change-room now.”
Yeah, too many orders of chicken wings on this trip, that’s for sure when strangers start trashing your clothes and weight.
We stayed at the Green Tortoise Hostel, which used to be an old sex hotel. As you can see, they have redone the rooms to look like a 10 year old’s bedroom. It does not come with star wars underoo’s; you will need to bring your own. Our traveling bear is on the bed with my new epee. The hostel is also located next door to the needle exchange, which may be a plus for some. While in the common room I listened as three guys talked about how Seattle was so cool because you could get any drug you wanted. One of them had just come back from a drug run and they fantasized about how great it would be if the local dealer came by a couple times a day to the common room instead of having to go find him. It was after that Linda and I decided not to book her parents there.
As for me, my search for the perfect clothing goes on. I did try on several pairs of jeans that cut were so low, I couldn’t tie up my shoelaces without breaking a few different indecency laws. And at Victoria Secret I got an exercise top that is so cool and wondrous that to actually sweat in it would be a crime, which is why I now have an exercise outfit for actually exercising in and this new exercise outfit for simply standing around, using the best effect of backlighting and letting people buy me juice drinks. But until I find the outfit which makes someone ask, “Shouldn’t you be in school today?”, the search goes on.
11 hours ago