Thursday, May 11, 2006

More lesbian pirates, my head & a quiz

While I vowed never to do tagged stuff, because this is my first tagging EVER and because Mario tagged me, I will do it. Before that however, I want to reward Mario with a link to yet more representations of lesbian pirates, brought to us by Capt’n Dyke, Pirate Queen.

I am the offspring of generations of debauchery and acts of depravity on one side of the family, and hapless eccentricity on the other.
I want the power to start fires with my mind, is that so much to ask? You can trust me with it; honest!
I wish I had bought my first vibrator a lot earlier in life. My first stun gun too.
I hate the Secret Order of the Kukaro who have put the curse of a thousand urinary tract infections on me for watching their secret rituals. I also really hate ants, they have no ears and never stop coming; creepy.
I fear the world ending while I am asleep; I’ve already missed one apocalypse, I don’t want to miss this one.
I hear you chewing popcorn 12 rows back in the cinema. News Flash: closing your mouth when you eat is polite even WHEN PEOPLE CAN’T SEE YOU.
I wonder how I can encourage people toward spontaneous combustion – it’s clean, it’s efficient, it’s good for the environment.
I am not the person you want to babysit your children. Last child I babysat I spent 2 hours teaching it to say the CORRECT words: “No, not square, parallelogram, say it after me: “parallelogram””
I dance naked, a lot. Too much. Sometimes after Linda goes to bed. Is this why the guy across the street gives me a thumbs up every time he sees me?
I cry when I can’t get my own way, or just to make someone feel guilty; in the supermarket when someone takes the last jar of extra spicy pickles; whenever approached by police regarding my going 50-60 miles over the speed limit.
I am not easy to miss in a crowd. I’m tall, I’m usually staring at someone trying to make their head explode, or I am drinking and saying inappropriate things. The person punching me on the arm trying to get me to shut up would be Linda.
I make with my hands, pretty much nothing at all, unless scented oil massages count as “making with my hands”.
I write love letters, mostly to dead people.
I confuse left and right, which I usually refer to as “This hand” versus “This hand.” When Linda is giving me directions she says, “Turn right, that’s towards me.”
I need some coffee once or twice a year, just to remember that particular tangy smell it adds to my pee.
I start fires. No, no, no, I mean I support fire prevention measures. Kids, don’t play with matches, find a lighter and hair spray canister instead.
I finish every year with the resolution that I am never to old for making prank phone calls or having sleep-overs.
I try, not because it is possible, but because everyone thinks it is impossible.
I tag Elizabeth, Kathz & Nothing.

And because I vowed never to put up links to online quizzes, I will do that today also (guess I might as well break that vow about never eating a liter of Ben&Jerry’s ice cream in one sitting again too). The quiz is to determine what type of fencing blade best fits your personality. Somehow no matter what I put in, I end up with saber.

14 comments:

Zen Wizard said...

Very creative list.

elizabeth said...

Okay - I think I get it. I copy and post into my blog? Yes...okay. I'm all over it like butter on toast....

Elizabeth McClung said...

Just the parts in blue - the rest is up to you! Bwahahaha!

The Watcher said...

Yar! Ye've got t'let me add ye t'me crew, Lassie! Ye rock (is that a proper piratical thing t'be sayin'?)

Seriously, I love yer blog!

elizabeth said...

Okay - just so you know... if I was a lesbian my girlfriend would be Angelina Jolie. I finished my tag - and am plotting my revenge as we speak. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

The Watcher said...

mmmm, this should be interestin' havin' ye as me ship's poet laureate...

The Watcher said...

Poet Laureate, the link be www.captaindyke.blogspot.com. Ye found some o'me pirate stuff at me old blog...

Elizabeth McClung said...

Thanks cap'n! Sadly, until I pass the hazing initiation it seems the cap'n collection of lusty lesbian pirate pictures is unrevealed. But the new blog is very very good - though I do miss the dozens of pictures of Angelina...sigh.

kathz said...

Help - I've never been tagged before.

Now I've got to work out how to do it.

kathz said...

I made epeeist at the second attempt, after adjusting two responses over which I dithered. Before that I was a foilist. I feel vindicated in my life choices - or something like that - just a bit ....

The Watcher said...

Me Poet, check out th'Sea Chest at me blog when ye have time. I promise t'be workin' on it every chance I get...just fer ye!

The Watcher said...

What frickin' hazin' initiation?! Don't they be realizin' their dealin' with a member o' me crew now?

This will not be pretty...

Took th'quiz. Figured after 3 centuries o'fightin' with a blade (we called it 'hackin' em t'pieces' back then) I would get th'sabre...;)

Elizabeth McClung said...

ahhhhhhh, thank you Cap'n - a day without semi-naked pictures of Angelina is a day without inner sunshine - link added to blog. Though I have to say, in that last picture, why does she have a horse do what so many of us would do willingly? Don't use animals - use me!

The Watcher said...

Well, iffin I would have know ye then, I would have sent ye over...

Still, she loved that horse I got her an' was very grateful that evenin'. ;)

Thank'e fer th'link; yer life will n'er be th'same after hookin' up with a Pirate Queen!