I am bored. Bored, bored, bored. I am the teenage girl in the back of the car who you decided to take with you to Lumber World. I now fence epee with 12 guys. There are two new guys; one has parries so forceful and extreme that the judge has to wear a mask; the other, an 18 year old male (nickname: Tornado) who is so aggressive he starts attacking before the bout starts. Gee, more wild, super-aggressive, never-back up males. Boring.
A bored Elizabeth is a dangerous thing. When my mind is not engaged in fencing, it races up walls like a chipmunk in a cage. It makes me say naughty things, just because. If my mind is distracted, I'll try and make yours distracted too.
In a bout, during the pause between points I use my non-sword hand to rub my hip. “Hmmm” I say, “I can’t remember if it’s thong day today.”
“What?” Steve cries, “You can’t tell?” I lunge, point.
“Oh wait.” I tell him a minute later, “That’s right, today, I’m going commando.”
“What? No!” I lunge, point. “Stop telling me these things!” He begs.
(See full comic of PVPonline here)
I’ve been putting in the epee training. I’m working on form, identifying problems, working out on cardio, lunges, point accuracy and speed. The coach for hire is away this week. I asked Mr. Ho for a lesson. Nothing there. As for the bouts themselves, with Gerald gone, William has now become the most stable epeeist. We talked; he doesn’t advance all the time, we keep distance. It’s nice. I feel like a real epeeist when I fence William instead of a girl with a sword, defending her virginity against relentless male assaults. The Tornado was so wild he managed to thrust his blade UNDER my helmet’s neck protector and have it end up touching my chin; steel to skin. That’s a bit closer to mortality than I was looking for.
“I love my blade.” I tell William rubbing my hand up and down the naked steel.
“Hmmm,” I look at the blade, “I wonder if I could make it vibrate somehow.”
William moves away, “I don’t want to know, really!”
I move toward him with a wicked grin, and start a buzzing sound, making my epee vibrate with my hand.
The light has gone out of Amanda. Since the provincials, it seems like she’s hardly there. Last night, I went easy on her. I know I’m the person that “always” goes 100%, but she was distant, distracted, too easy to hit. Most nights now she only fences three or four bouts to five points, sometimes she shows up two hours late, sometimes she doesn’t bout at all. This leaves me to fence with Tornado, who not only has a tendency, when toe to toe, to grab your sword arm with his free hand, but during weapon’s check he tries to knock the sword out of your hand by slamming his bell guard into your tip. Ramp down the testosterone, cowboy!
Waiting to fence, I pester everyone about the new Superman Trailer (click here). It rocks! Steve feels that Superman is “too perfect” (insecurity issues Steve?). This starts me on a rant on how much it sucks working in the same office with Lois Lane. Always having to hear Lois natter on about how Superman took her exotic places before saving her life and then fixing car, and rewiring the house. Please, please, please let this be the movie where Lois comes out as a lesbian. “Sorry Superman... uh, before you go, can you introduce me to Supergirl?”
When I am not challenged, I get bored. And besides William, I’m not challenged. I need Gerald and his bag of tricks (still off drinking rum in Cuba), I want a fully fired-up Amanda. It would even be nice if Brian showed up. Till then, I’ll keep training, waiting for the day my Butch Princess strides through the door, epee in hand.
Comic - http://www.pvponline.com/archive.php3?archive=20060504
Jpeg - http://www.patfullerton.com/superman/pix/supergirl/supergirl-batgirl.html
4 hours ago