My belly, my breasts and global warming

I am having body part issues (mine, not the neighbor I hear through the wall with the strange chopping sounds). Going to war with my pot is a common enough experience (as well as with my “love handles,” “thunder-thighs” and various other cellulite manifestations). But now my breasts are blackmailing me.

Usually I have what people call a “model-like” body (Translation: long, thin with little boob). By coincidence, I also have a model’s personality (narcissistic, neurotic, insecure and slightly disturbed). But, now due to winter, moving countries, sitting at my computer too much, global warming and economic instability in Venezuela I have a pot. Who cares why I have it, or that 90% of women over a certain age (lets call that 19) have one, the important and devastating thing is that I do (Hello? Remember the neurotic and narcissistic?). Or more importantly, ½ of my tops are laughing at me. I can hear them snickering in the closet.

And it isn’t like I’m not exercising: I fence for three hours twice a week, walk everywhere, do daily fencing exercises and run for endurance. My lower abdomen is tight as a drum, my torso has slimmed down and my collarbone is prominently displayed. All in all, everything AROUND my pot has toned up and flattened out leaving my pot looking BIGGER and more jiggly than ever.

And my breasts, who most of their life have been distinct underachievers (they keep telling me, “Wake us up for menopause, we’ll grow then"), have decided to get perky. If I was in the shower or in front of a mirror that would be great, but they reserve perky-time for when I’m exercising. That means 30 minutes into my jogging I am giving everyone that goes by me the nipple-attack.

I went to buy some new jogging bras. They start at $50. So, $100 in sport support bras for breasts that (let’s face it) are not needing a lot of support. I’m spending all that money just to stop the launch of nipple missiles? What do I get for $50 that I can’t get with duct tape? Linda says, “Stop moaning and buy the bras.”

Besides, last month I spent something like $200 on bras at Marks and Spencers (using pictures of C-cup models on the package of smaller size push-up bras is not just false advertising, it’s emotionally cruel). My breasts are well dressed, content, and somewhat smug. All they have to do is think of something rude to do and I have to spend more money. The galling thing of it is that with all my pot-obsessed exercise, I think they may be slightly smaller. Sigh.

Jpeg 1 -http://www.edhat.com/img2/belly2.jpg">http://www.edhat.com/img2/belly2.jpg
jpeg2 - http://www.roadrunnersports.com